Crushes inspired by dreams

I've never been partial to white eyebrows but there is something about Farmer Nick.



"That's Wealthy Wine Maker Nick, if you don't mind, thanks"

Actually, by getting this little 'thing' out in the open I have to wonder if I have forestalled one of those crush dreams. You know the ones where you dream about someone and wake up really liking them. Sometimes they are just lovely and romantic but other's are full blown dirty sex. Sometimes they are grossly shudderingly inappropriate and you feel like a slapper and other times you feel like you're on cloud nine.* All warm and tingly and full of lerve...

I remember the first time I had one of these dreams. I was about thirteen and it involved the Rock Steady Crew.



Just one of them. Although looking at this blast from the past, I honestly can't remember who the lucky guy was. I will hazard a guess and say the third from the right.


Here are few others

*I can't wait til I can think up my own methaphors.

I will kill a chicken and get the meat

Today was my Wednesday with Pascal and it was a good un'! Sometimes it's not so good. I feel bad when this happens. This is my one day where I am a stay at home mum so I should cherish every morsel shouldn't I? These bad days tend be the result of lining too many things up for the day. That is the Cause and the Effect is Asa finding me at 6pm rocking in a corner...

no it's never that bad, but things don't go right on a bad day. Things, such as doing a load of washing and then forgetting that it's all squashed up in the tub until it starts raining; talking about nothing for ages on the phone where meanwhile Pascal is going mental in the background and all of a sudden it's midday and I've missed the 'cheap' petrol; Opening the door to an electricity company representative who has come to the area out of concern we are paying too much on our bills and out of the goodness of his heart can offer a deal where we are 5% better off and Tilly (the most annoying jack russell terrier in the WORLD) takes her opportunity to dart down to the neighbours house to terrorize their guinea pig...and then I miss the 'cheap' petrol.

Stuff like that.

Well, today was a good one. The skies were blue and we travelled to a Shoe Sale on the posh side of town and I scored a great pair of boots for $50!!! I still hadn't got my cheap petrol yet as I was keeping an eye out for a Shell Station because of my 4 cents off a litre docket (woohoo!). Luckily I came to my senses* as I waited at a red light near a BP. I made a last minute turn and whaddaya know - as I left the station with a tank full of $1.59 petrol, the guy came out with The long hook and a dreaded number 6.



A Rumpelstiltskin tantrum narrowly
avoided...phew!

I decided to stay in the posh area. The posh area being THE posh area of Melbourne. We're talking Toorak, Armadale and Malvern daaarling! Actually, that reminds me. Pascal asked me where we were when we were crawling down High St, Armadale (I've never not crawled down High Street or Glenferrie Road - it's so congested there) and I put on this really loud Mrs Slocombe voice "Why High Strreet Armadale, Daaarling!"

I didn't realise I had the window right down. I don't think anyone from the street or other cars heard but I figured if they did, I would have sounded pretty normal.

We ended up in Glenferrie Road Malvern and I went to Coles. I swear Today Tonight are right and the richies get the better fresh produce. You should have seen the apples gleaming brightly and the perfect bananas. As usual Pascal stopped near the roast chickens and started his dead animal question r'epertoire. It starts with "what's that?" "A chicken" "what was the chicken? was it a hen?" "Yes Pascal, it was a hen" "is it dead?" "umm...yes" "did somebody kill it? why is it killed?"...I honestly can't even remember what I answered this time. Sometimes (if I'm tired) I just go "oh er..yeah, look at that over there." Sometimes I just end up telling him the cold hard truth - so we can cook and eat it. He also loves going to the meat section and looking at the 'dead animals' too.

A friend suggested he was going to be a vegetarian but I'm actually worried he might become a Dexter of some kind. He has talked about killing meat animals. Should I be worried?


We come in peace

*ie realising that looking for Shell station to save me two dollars on an eighty-plus dollar petrol bill as the clock was ticking dangerously past midday was too pathetic for words

We did a play called Save Our Earth and I was the methane gas*

My my. Another day of Morning pages and another night of blogging. Things are going well aren't they.

I've been feeling pretty hormonal lately. I mentioned my week of turning 38 angst yesterday and it was pretty bad this morning. For some reason I got suddenly teary about the no-shows who didn't come to my birthday party. MWAAAAHAAAHAHA.

I will usually try and deny it but I have to admit I'm very sensitive to this kind of thing.

This year I shared the birthday party with a friend who is in and out of the country at the moment. We share a bunch of friends, these guys came and my closest friends came too which all lead to the night being a really nice one..I have really, really good friends - totally lucked out in that department so I hope what I am about to whinge about doesn't detract from the warm fuzzies I have about these friends.




"We will always love you!"

It started with the niggling feeling the next day (aided and abettored by one mother of a hangover) - Why didn't blah blah even email me back? What was so important (or the better offer) that blah piked at the last minute and couldn't tell me why? I had a brief Monday respite from these feelings of rejection but today - yep today, there were actual tears.

It's just that I feel so insignificant. My invite fell on deaf ears and the silence was deafening. How else can I take it? I wasn't even worth a response. And my invite was really funny! It had two old ladies smoking cigars and I spent all night on it due to my nuffy photoshop skills. I was ignored!

BUT but (I hasten to add) it is my hormones playing havoc. I've been through the wringer with them but I'll save that for another post. I should also say a big sorry for all the times I've let people down and made them feel the way I'm feelin' now..

I really hope my posts get better, funnier, more interesting, deep, witty, articulate, eloquent, smarter, succinct...less nuffy!

This is a really shit post.

More shit to come! Seeya tomorrow!

* Quoted from the article What kind of adult will Gen Z be? Sunday Life 13 July 2008

Fockity Fock

Wow, I never thought I would be such a prolific blogger. Outstanding work! Outstanding!

No, I promised I wouldn't be too hard on myself but it is very confronting seeing my first post and feeling like it was just a week ago I turned 37 and thought this is it! I'm sick of sitting on my arse (I mean that more figuratively but that's not to say I don't do a lot of sitting on my arse literally), I'm going to get this blog happening and who knows what will happen!

and now...now I'm 38! I can't believe how anxious that makes me. In the words of a nervous farmer Mick before his potentials drove up in tonight's episode of Farmer Wants a Wife - 'Ok, breaving. Remember to breave'.

Another thing I promised myself is that I wouldn't devote this post to ranting about me not writing. I am going to do what any blogger would do and write about something that happened to me today. As if I have approximately 364 posts behind me...and an audience! Who leave comments. wow weee

So what happened today? What happened that bears mentioning?

Well before I left work I went to the toilet to do wee wees. There was a distinct smell of fresh poo but I wasn't prepared for the HUGE line of poo down the toilet bowl. So I hurried out of that toilet and went to the second one (there are two cubicles). What makes this embarrassing is that of course someone went in after I had finished AND after the cistern in the toilet I used had finished filling up. This of course means that, to her, it could have been any of the two toilets I used and frankly if the players were reversed I would be very suspicious and since the smell was so warm I would be inclined to think the worst. Unfortunately it wasn't a situation where I was comfortable enough to plead my innocence. So there you have it, my colleague most likely thinks I'm totally disgusting.

A totally disgusting 38 year old.

Which makes me put it out there... who would leave a mud spatter like that? I just don't get it. I'm not ashamed to say my poo has left it's mark on toilet bowls in the past but I always brush it off with the toilet brush. I just don't get why you wouldn't..

I'm so glad I'm back to blogging. I promise you I will think of something better to talk about tomorrow. That's right, TOMORROW! I am going to post everyday now.

Oh, by the way...I don't think I won the Women's Weekly Writing competition...

By Jove I did it!

Yes, I sent in my story to the Australian Women's Weekly Writing Competition!

Although, I had the fright of my life when I decided to double check the deadline. In the entry form terms and conditions in the November Women's Weekly it states the deadline as last mail 4 February 2008.

Usually I would have run around like a tearful maniac yelling "FUUUCK!", but instead I was quite calm and collected. The voice inside my head was like 'Yeah, you probably wouldn't have won so wha'EVA!'....I think it was the shock.

Then I thought hang on a minute, where the hell did I get 29 February from. I distinctly remember seeing it in print. I looked it up on the web and sure enough...

As usual, I left it to the eleventh hour to get really stuck into it. This means (as usual) I am too scared to look at the final draft for fear of finding some major clanger mistakes. I really don't learn do I? My grand idea involved giving a completed final draft to carefully selected friends a month before the deadline.

...Next time.

Mummy, I'm scared!!!

I'm just perusing the hire car options (God, it's eshpenshive!) and I'm feeling a sense of dread.

I'm a great driver and apart from a spat of accidents in my first year of driving (3 - one of which wasn't my fault) I've had one speeding ticket in my, JESUS! almost TWENTY years of driving...far out, I'm old.

I definitely don't want to go off on that tangent, so staying right on track now. I've found the cheapest with Budget (which is still $55 a day for a manual 1.3 litre) and now deliberating on taking that up to $80 to include the $25 premium insurance. What to do? That's a whole $75 which I'll be pissed off at paying after I've got the car safely back. But then again, I would obviously be absolutely shattered if we do have some kind of smash. I'll be bawling and flailing my arms wailing something "I knew this would happen"...because you always do know. Hindsight has 20/20 vision as they say.

Will Susan know? Maybe, will wait and see what March has to offer...

Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit

I'm referring to myself this time. Not the almost text book specimen of a witchy poo below.

I'm going to a wedding in Tasmania in March and I made the stupid decision to book the tickets online, very late on Sunday night after a loooong day. You know what's coming don't you?

Yes, I booked for the wrong damn city, didn't I?

For some reason, even though the invitation has been magnetted (I think I just invented a word) to my fridge for the past month or so and explicitly says HOBART in two places, we are actually going to Launceston. By 'we' I mean myself and a very good chum who also happens to be one of the bridesmaids. All is not lost because:

1. My chum the bridesmaid is totally undestanding and has not made me feel even slightly bad for my nitwittedness.

2. We are arriving midday Friday - a whole 24 hours before the nuptials take place.

3. Launceston is only 2 hours away from Hobart so we can hire a car and be Thelma and Louise.

In fact, because of number 3, I reckon the lemonade we can make out of this lemon will be rather sweet. Neither of us has visited the Apple Isle before so my blunder has given us a chance to do a bit of travelling.

In other news, I might be going on the Power of 10 with Asa! He auditioned about a month ago and it looks like he's made the grade. I have to fill out a questionnaire as I'm going to be his 'support person'. Basically this means I'm the awkward (and I mean really awkward in this case) nervous head sitting in the crowd helping him deliberate on questions and probably lose him heaps of cash. No, I have to stay positive. Considering my stars specifically said I'd actually win money on a game show!

You might also want to go on a TV game show to try your luck. ...See if you can qualify as a contestant. I have watched those shows like "Deal or No Deal." People start doing well and then get greedy and figure they will win more money so they keep taking more risks. They wind up leaving with little or nothing. Be happy with less and leave some money on the table if necessary. You don't want to press your luck, just GET some luck!

How's that for totally FEREAKY!

24 days til D Day at the Women's Weekly and I actually think I'm going to make it.