Coffee, or should I say Mow-ka

I like Mocha, as in chocolate in my caffe latte. This all started after my first trimester where I went totally off me lattes and cigarettes (which was very handy or I honestly don't think I would have given up).

After the 12 weeks were up I gradually began to crave coffee again. I think I even began to crave the cigarettes too but had the will power to pretend they still totally grossed me out.

I still couldn't face a normal coffee so began ordering mochas. It's been over four years and I think I've still only had a couple of coffees without chocolate...and, honestly, they were mistakes where the waiter/waitress misheard or misunderstood me. I just can't go back and have become a bit of a mocha connoisseur.

I generally have a mocha every day and it's really funny to see how different cafe staff react. I must admit, when I first started to have mocha it honestly seemed a bit different and there were more than a few occasions I had to kind of describe what a mocha was! Now it seems like it's become really popular. I think I started a trend, actually. It was all me.

Erherm, well anyway, I've had some really, really fantastic ones. Birdman Eating springs instantly to mind as making one of the best mochas I've had for a while. Dark chocolate, really strong coffee yet I only had to use half a sugar. Really appreciated it. Appetite in North Melbourne served a particularly nice one too. I've had really shit ones of course. Weak, tepid coffee with chocolate syrup.

This week I found myself in Degraves Street. I used to frequent this too cool for school cafe spot, well, frequently a few years ago and thought I'd go to one of my ol' haunts Degraves Espresso. As soon as I walked in and was greeted with an icily cool stare from the staff I realised why I hadn't been there for a good seven or so years. The staff are rude.

I hate that! As well as just the simple reason that it is pretty unpleasant when someone is rude to you, I also hate it because I end up overcompensating. Like the incredible Hulk but in reverse, my Bruce Banner always wins and I end up seething inside but come over all kow-towery on the outside.

So this is what happens. I walk into Degraves and ask to get a coffee (which is the way I remember ordering before - also I was a bit tired and vague too so wasn't thinking much). The waiter who looked a bit like an amalgamation of these dickheads



(we'll call him Dude) just stares rudely back at me and says in a monotone American accent,

'We do table service'.

So what do I do?

'Oh right!' guffaw a bit and go obediently to a table.

Then, I guess because Dude's hipness and coolness is proven to be vastly superior to mine now, he waits a minute or so to come out and take my order. Not only that, he approaches another girl who has just sat down. She tells him she needs a minute so he's got no choice but to come and take my order. When I tell him I'd like a mocha, he sneers 'Mooowka' as he writes it down.

It takes a while. Infact I don't know how long he's been but I decide to give him five more minutes and if I don't get my coffee, I'm walking. I actually don't want it to come but just as I start to put my book away, A girl brings out my mocha and she smiles at me! She's friendly but the coffee is gross. Strong bitter coffee with clumps of undissolved powdered chocolate. Of course I can't take it back. I'm a wuss and intimidated. They did it on purpose. The Dude and his mate making the coffee think I'm a dork and they have conspired to make this hideous Mowka!

Then something amazing happens.

I stir in the chocolate and it's a bit nicer. Actually, I don't have to add sugar. Actually, I'm sorry to say Birdman but I think it's superceded yours.

I will write indepth about my paronoid delusions in a future post, I promise!